Annoying NISWEIN!

Niswein (the Lebanese word for WOMEN). Lebanese women are spectacular. A mixture of so many types of beauty. Lebanese women are so diverse in their beauty its crazy. I can pin-point the area a Lebanese woman comes from just by how she looks. Crazy eh? It's called skill. They are also so diverse in their educations, occupations, and personalities.

However, as diverse as they are in looks and educations, they ALL have one thing in common. They have crazy 3adeit (habits), that can drive ANY man, no matter how patient they are, off the Rawche into the rocky depths bellow. So here are my tips to the men, who like me, have to face the Lebanese woman's wrath! :D Here are my tips, USE THEM and KEEP them in mind. Love you baby (Bawseh):

1.) Do NOT comment on the thousands of trips they make to the bathroom while you guys are out. Lebanese women like to look good, and they will make sure they look good...even if it means spending more time in the TOILET ROOM, instead of with you. However, looking good is not the only reason they go to the washroom soooo much. They are in the washroom texting and calling the sabaya or their "girls" about whats going on between you and her. Yes, she is reporting to them more than May Chidiac is on LBC. Commenting on it would result in the "ya allah, baddeh etnafas!" Translation? Oh my God! I need to breath! Followed by the crossing of the arms and violent shaking of their legs.

2.) DO NOT TALK TO GIRLS ON YOUR WALL ON FACEBOOK, TWITTER OR ANY OTHER SOCIAL NETWORK. Lebanese women will stalk your Facebook from the first date right through the long months after you break up! They will monitor you, and ask you questions like "meen hal kalbeh? Leih 3am te7keh ma3ak?" (Translation: Who is this B***h?, why is she talking to you?). Ok... remember when she tells you how she wants to "breathe" in the washroom? By that she means, she can breath, you hold your breath. Your female friends, and what they say, automatically is scanned and saved in the hard-drive located in their brains. P.S. They WILL use it against you.

3.) They will be fake to whomever they please. You pretend like you don't know anything about it...even better pretend you didn't see anything. Example? Why I don't mind if I do. Your at a cafe enjoying a cup of coffee, argeeli, cake or whatever SHE fancies. In walks her NEMESIS. Not someone she dislikes a bit, not someone who she can sit with longer than 5 minutes. Im talking about the girl who copies her every style, who tries to act like her, and the one she probably smacked around once. Her nemesis is the girl that is talked about CRAZILY with all her friends. You would think they would ignore each other, maybe say a simple dry hello? NOPE. They are gonna stand there, kiss each other's cheeks, COMMENT each other and ask when they are getting together for coffee. DID YOU MISS SOMETHING? No you did not, its how it goes. P.s. for the next 48 hours, she will be texting her friends about her, and you WILL listen.

4.) You will hear lots of gossip. EMBRACE... or else. Also, do not refer to it as gossip. Shu bek? (Whats wrong with you). Its conversation.

5.) Your ex was NOT pretty, no matter what you say. You do not mention the past. It will bring up questions about the present, and the "future". Ya dileh!

6.) When they "vent", don't be shocked. For a Libnaniyeh, it should be called "exploding".

7.) They can get jealous and possesive. When you ask a question, you automatically are acting like "their father". You wanna be her baba or habiba?

8.)Do not cheat. Do not make it look like your cheating. Heck, dont even give her the chance to think that word. I can hear their radars going up now. Cheat? Wayn? Ya allah, mista7leh 7alo cheating? You and the woman you cheated with will have a fun time after she finds out. Bomb shelters anybody?

9.) Myriam Fares's body, Haifa Wehbe's eyes, Dana's talking voice, and Nancy Ajram's smile are NOT NICE. Her's are akiddddddddddddd a7la (better for sure). Shu lakan hayati, ma fi mitlek inteh!

10.) If your bestfriend is a guy... make sure you don't take his advice. Howeh shu b'3arfo? (What does he know?). Also you and him will not act like baboons in public together. No matter how fun it is. If your bestfriend is a woman? ALLAH Y3EENAK (GOD HELP YOU!). If your Libnaniyeh thinks your female bestfriend is being a cow... don't sit there and do nothing. Ma3'2ouleh? Do something about it before your girl asks you"bishbi2lak yeha kaff?"( Meaning she will throw her a nice slap). Remember, you talking to your bestfriend about any "mistakes" he/she has done is MUCH better than your Libnaniyeh getting a hold of them. TRUST ME.

Those are my 10 valuable tips. After a certain someone reads this blog, I am sure there will be a number 11. So here it is. "Do not write about your Libnaniyeh and her "life" on your blog. Shu shayifa maskhara (am i a joke)?

Answer to that question? No baby, 3am n'dardeesh shweih :)